literature

i can't believe i put you on speed dial ~

Deviation Actions

Published: Aug 25, 2016

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Literature Text

it’s really a small deal not such a big deal but whatever. i don’t feel like you’ve got my back anymore, or maybe you never did, eject me from your pack like a box of expired breathmints even though i loved you so much, we were the world but i guess i never meant anything, it’s around one year later maybe a little less 11 months worth of gap no actually make that 10

i thought i mattered to you and maybe i do individually but the two of you were always it i think i knew that from the start i don’t think i asked for too much i think i was entitled to belonging and if i wasn’t you should’ve told me then instead of making & breaking a set of promises you were never gonna keep never had my back never looked out for me you never cared enough fuck i should never have trusted you and if i bring it up you’re gonna support whatever generic lame excuse that he’s got ready for me, a sort of “divya i’ve always been here for you” but that’s worth nothing to me now, stupid shadow boy, you’ll back him up because you always back him up i’m sick of this, of how you abandoned me for better things, glorious things, for snapchat story fame and tumblr notes and all these other things while i changed; i let myself believe that someone would actually love me for me

fuck you both i’m sick of this watch me delete your contacts off my phone but i’m just too pathetically weak tomorrow’s gonna find me in your arms again holding you like you’re the only thing that’s left yes okay let it be known i was always there for you you just never needed me pretended you wanted me even though i’m nothing more than tinfoil to you, shiny silver to be crumpled

you have my poetry you have my love but you’ll never have me i don’t wanna be your friend i can’t believe how little you care how often you apologize for each and every time you break me i’ve told you i’m fucking delicate let you see me break and yet you still throw stones at a glass castle that isn’t yours

i can’t believe i believed you
i’m tired of reaching out for people who were never gonna catch me when i fall

one day i’ll have an actual support squad i hope i never make anyone feel like you’ve made me feel and the two of you are so oblivious to my very existence yet you promised we’d be family

“what’s wrong?” you’ll ask and i want to tell you you are wrong your very existence is wrong the way that i feel because of you is wrong
but there are two of you and only one of me and there’s no-one who understands how alone i feel

you don’t know what this feels like until you’ve tasted it why do i always whore myself out to the people who never gave a damn why won’t anyone take me as i am why can’t i just

you’ve got the world at your back i’ve got a jug that is cracked everything i cared about is spilling at my feet
you talk about picking up pieces but i’m drowning in this sea

thank you for ruining me i really appreciate it i hope you have a nice life together
take care stay safe and try to comprehend why i’m so upset with you

because you lied to me- white lies, you call them- but all i asked for was the truth.